My Thoughts.

I can't bring myself to just pick one.

2011-12-04T22:02:00.000-08:00

Today I went to look for a dog. My mother and I decided that it would be a good experience for me. I was ecstatic by the idea. Our first stop was to a Puppy store in Lombard which the store preferred to call itself "Puppies" I guess this brings no question as to what the store's intentions were. As we perused the array of adorable puppies, my eyes were seemingly enough pointed in the direction of their prices. I was amazed as to how much a puppy would cost. When we reach an age where you understand the outrageous prices of gas and the undermining excuse of a paycheck, you're pretty much an adult. I miss those days as a kid where money wasn't an option.

I'd bring my face closer to each of the glass cages as the puppies began to nimble upon it and radie their hands to showcase their cuteness. Most of puppies were to be small size dogs in growing, most of the medium size were already taken. I came across a little Terrier female who was hyper and above all high maintenance. As me and my tried desperately to play with it, she'd elude us by running between us with her toy in her mouth. She'd occasionally chew any fabric we had on, my shoelace, my mother's North Face, her pants. She tried to nimble on her laceless shoe, but was confused as to the profound invention. To hold such a little thing in my hands, it was like my own child, one I'd actually adore. I took a picture of the little thing, I'll soon post it on here. My mother believed that the puppy was going to be somewhat of hassle, this isn't the right word she said, much nicer actually, but as we left, she discovered a new love for her, and the possibility that she might be allergic.

Our second stop was to the Hinsdale Humane Society. As we parked by the shelter, my mother began to break out. She became worried that she might'v been allergic to the puppy. Once we walked into the shelter, we began look at their selection. Most were small, older dogs, but most of all, cheaper. It was as were looking, A girl walks out of the employee only section with an Australian Cattle Dog with white fur. At that moment, I fell in love with her, Her name was Speckles and she was about to go for a walk. As soon, as I saw her, I wanted to know more about her.

After we left, my mother couldn't stop talking about the little puppy, I was already thinking of Speckles, then again the Terrier had been on my mind as well. I couldn't think of which would find its way into our home. I kind of wish I could buy both.

December 30th 2009

2009-12-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Oh today has been active, I feel so much better.

The absence of my affection towards meaningless tasks is finally over.

I am whole once more... and off to work.

December 29th 2009.

2009-12-29T18:32:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get that guilty feeling when you waste the day laying on your bed with your computer, always pondering upon finishing the book you were reading or a project, wasting valuable time looking upon social networks?

I did.

And now in a few minutes, I will be heading to work, dreading another graveyard shift,

(which would count for another reason for wasting the whole day waiting to head to work.)

I can't let that happen anymore.

It's dreadful feeling not doing something.

December 28th 2009

2009-12-28T16:45:00.000-08:00

I haven't thrown snow ball all year; i'm pretty upset about that.

It's a joyous activity, snowball fights, snow angels, everyone's so upset about

the season, I seem to be okay with it; maybe it has something to do with ideals,

I still uphold many of my boyish ideals, it keeps me sane in a harsh yet hostile city.

I do have to say I am upset that everyone is playing Modern Warfare except me,

I have to save much of my holiday money I receive, and soon I will look for a second job.

(To help out more around the house)

December 27th 2009.

2009-12-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that I work best alone, not directing this towards any emotional response, I'm simply good at it, when I want to be.

I discovered this notion at work a few weeks ago; noticing how quiet I can be to the other employees. I like them, very much so, I just have nothing to say at the moment, I do push for conversation at times, mostly around my friends and acquaintances. I hate awkward silence, you can never tell what they're thinking of you at that exact moment, but in any case that's how I am now; I talk, converse, gab, hopefully trying to please the other person with conversation.

Now.

On to business, Christmas da

y went and past happily and calming, I was given a Amazon Kindle by my mother and a few books by friends, I also was given Where the Wild Things Are Slippers; I think it's Carrol, I think. and last but not least, a "Straight Outta Compton" T-shirt, which I'm still waiting for, I can't wait. I do have to say this has been the greatest christmas I've had in 5 years, no financial worries (none that particularly important), everyone is safe, and I was able to buy people presents that they'd love :).

On a personal note, I have been great, feeling up to any challenge as I would say.

I think I'm at that mind-set where I know I'm single, but it hasn't bothered me, especially the amount of time spent with friends and family, its a wonderful feeling.

This is first post in such

a long time; I'll make sure not do that again.

A new semester arrives

T- 30 Days.

Sincerely

Disappearing Boy.

1.

2009-12-21T11:38:00.000-08:00

I'll chase your beating heart through the woods under the falling moon.

Desire can be cruel on the Libido.

2009-11-16T00:09:00.000-08:00

You do not know how much I want to be pulled, pushed

lingered, ripped, torn, crushed, hurt.

Just... used and... wanted.

Ugh, I should keep these things to myself sometimes.

Short lines and straight dots.

2009-11-15T23:49:00.001-08:00

I can live inside the city of dead, and indulge in the richness of its citizens passing through a time-less town like passengers on a train. They count on their loved ones to show them the way, the ones that they forgave anyway. I'll walk with them until I can see through my fog of grandeur and breathe in my own name. This was my home, my family, my friends oh how they've grown and how they've faded away in the limits of time; it is truly of the essence. I can strengthen my ties and let go of loose ends, but I could never the connect the lines. The lines on my face are more apparent than before, and the stitches don't seem to work, they just never seem to heal like a broken cistern creating caverns in my heart. infecting my spirit with passages of self-deprivation and uncommon desperation. We all want to be desired, but no one can give us what we want, its part of life.

I'm going to be focused and ready for battle.

2009-11-09T00:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling happy all of a sudden in the past 2 hours.

I'm having scary predictions of how my winter will turn out.

Nothing new to discuss.

Oh, the Berlin Wall fell today.

Its the major minor details.

Nightlights / Day 27.

2009-10-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

They've always watched me,

through the mirrors and the slight glances from my peripherals;

They never stand in one place

but always follow.

They keep their distance

and show between the fogs of light

and the sounds of silence.

You'll latch onto me like a virus to a host

and you'll take control. and control. and control.

They're shadows reflecting in my rear view,

sending my heart in a rush.

Will you slam my doors and mess with my lights?

or will you just turn away and haunt some else?

I keep my lamp on right beside my bed every night

because I want to see your face for once,

please don't just linger and then leave without a goodbye.

It's October!!!

Spooky, spooky, spooky!

isn't it?

It has been for me, sleeping with my lamp on,

watching my mirror right by my bed,

scary movies, Oak Park haunted houses (Actual)

oh and scary forests.

It's a scary feeling isn't it?

well it's okay, the month is almost over, and then November,

what comes next? I'm reading a lot of books lately, coming up

with new ideas everyday; Non-fiction week went well, so many great

writers, sigh... I wish that were me. (Someday, we're getting our feet off the ground soon)

But anyways just felt like writing this for the month of October, seeing Lupe Fiasco

this week!!! it should be a great show. My car is running fine again and I'm pretty busy

these days, something good to think about, n%@$^$# but that's another for a much much later time.

So anyways, I'm actually thinking of dressing up for Halloween, I haven't done that since I was

13 (I was a ninja!) I think Tuesday or Wednesday, I'll go look for a costume.

Everyone have a good Halloween.

The Beast.

2009-10-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

There's a demon in my room. it stares at me and

stares until I sleep, he knows what I have been thinking about

and feeding off it's energy.

His eyes are deep red and neither blinks nor moves,

oh his presence is unwelcoming and has lost himself

in the gaze of my quarrels.

He knows my intentions, he knows my future.

What can I do?

You stand there and breath in my fear and trust

you are an uncomfortable presence,

so I ask you please to leave.

Please let the light in soon, I can't take your

unjust stares any longer.

Your everywhere and nowhere

and shake the light from my hands

you won't go away.

Your presence is so suffocating.

At the Bottom.

2009-10-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

Their here everyday, talking to their lovers that I'll never get to kiss
and friends I'll never have the pleasure of meeting.
They line up like soldiers on the corner and inhale their filtered variety packs
of "taking the edge off".
Like Cattle consuming grain or grass, it's humiliating;
just waiting for their body to say "Okay! I give up"
A family of children bonded to certify their excuse to call them artists.

I feel like heading to the Museum.
I'll go.

Nostalgic.

2009-10-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

I'm angry at this whole thing, I'm not here to break up friendships,

but apparently I'm the blame for the whole thing;

I'm the one that didn't know a single thing until it was paraded in my face

and had to ask someone to shed some light on the matter.

oh and I learned "so" much today it just kills me.

I don't want to hear about it, I heard what I heard, if you say otherwise

than fine, say it! I don't care! it's done! just promise never to bring it up in front of me.

I tried, so fine it's all over, finished; you had wish I was already fucking dead?, that certainly

made me feel so much better, especially after I said I wouldn't even try to start anything,

I'm not lifting a finger so many times that I had this whole discussion over what I never knew or what everyone was saying.

I've heard it from different people!!! I'm so fucked up it's driven me fucking

crazy. So whatever, blame me, do it, I'm the one who got screwed over, the one you were so

angry at apparently, and I'm the one who really tried to be your friend, I did.

But now nothing can be fixed nothing can be talked over, it's over.

No ones happy, and thats what hurts the most.

I really wanted this to blow over but it looks like not.

(Still hoping)

and You; words cannot express how angry I am. I've been so forgiving to you but no,

I can be cruel, and I can be as scarred as I want to be, you really should work on

not messing with other peoples friends, and then lie and tell me something instead

of telling the truth, I had to learn all this day from somebody else.

I got over it, and moved on, now let's try and get some sleep;

Goodnight.

Six protesters were arrest.

2009-09-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

Six protesters were arrested last night for destroying

a banner at Daley Plaza. The banner was for the city's recognition

bid for the 2016 Olympics.

The group had held a rally earlier that day, speaking out against the games

and the tax they say is at risk.

Here is the link, you're able to watch footage for yourself but there is no sound.

http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/chicago-2016-olympic-daley-plaza-protest-banner-62760427.html?__source=Facebook

This is really old.

2009-09-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

I can't fix it, I'm not gonna.

A mother and daughter argument! over furniture!

Your older than me! act your age!

I went downstairs to settle a fucking battle that shouldn't have started

and all that ends up is everyone closing the door and sitting in front of a screen

Classic.

You know what.

Your both right; but maybe it's time to say "we're done!"

let's pull our little thoughts together and go our separate ways.

I can't wait to move out; seriously! it's sad enough I have to be the monkey in the middle

but it's even worse when your family acts like their children.

Do you want me to put you in timeout!

Fine!

Ready to Fall.

2009-09-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

Apparently everyone is getting all worked up over the Olympics,

saying it will raise taxes and increase the crime rate in the Chicago;

well the crime rumor clearly sounds like bullshit to me.

optimistically the only way the crime rate will increase by any

sporting event is by the Cubs and Sox.

Obviously most people forget the T.V rating for the last Olympic games

weren't as successful as previous events.

Not trying to sound cynical, but research has been done showing more than

240,000 Illinoisans living below the poverty line, this data was compared

to the statistics shown in 2000 which means the rate has grown substantially.

The median household income in Illinois dropped from $60,203 in 2000 to $56,235 in 2008.

By just providing facts.

The Chicago Tribune produced a survey asking their readers if they would like the Olympic to held here; 84% said they do not

want the Olympics taken placed in Chicago while 45% do not want it under any circumstance,

and another 84% say that they do not want public funds used for the party.

Since the city has already spent $240 million committing to the games, there's no point in stopping now.

Consultants of the IOC (International Olympics Committee)

have already said the Olympics will be properly funded and will not use

public funds for the use of the site for the games.

and with so much putting forth to provide construction for the games,

this provides employment for officials; this and the prolonged period

of construction of road work in various cities. With such news,

it does seems unsure about the future of the games but you should know,

Daley always gets what he wants.

This event could increase tourist rates and increase the rate of employment

during the period.

Now that I've talked you all out of your little circles, read the news sometimes

(not just Fox News) I'm talking The Times, Tribune, and hey! my favorite place

for new The Huffington Post. If you would like more information, go to these websites below.

http://www.sj-r.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

http://www.chicagotribune.com/

Death is an act of Creation.

2009-09-21T02:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be alright. I can go on my roof and look at the sky and say

I'm going to be alright.

I know this, because you know this.

I'm making myself a better person, better son, better friend,

better for you.

I'm promising you, I'm making myself a better person, oh the night sky

looks so beautiful, I can tell myself I can finish everything. My first story,

my homework, my faithful yet forgettable little journal, I can finish it all.

I should start reading today, but first I have school.

What will today bring?

What should I wear?

Let's Begin...

I hope I'm not turning into Adam Brody.

2009-09-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

I really really hope you'll find me someday, sitting on the train waiting for me

to smile again, I'm not going to feel happy for awhile...

Luckily there's "The Boss"

mmmm I do adore dancing in the dark.

I am noticing how hard it is to make friends here at Columbia, everyone is rather intimidating,

or just socially snobby; I am enjoying my time here, my teachers mean well and all

but it's only been the second week, but it is the first full week and I have to tell you,

it's tiring!

The city drains me but I love the scenery,

the skyscrapers, and the reflection of the sun hitting each window and the feeling of the green line elevated over the lake is amazing.

The city takes a lot out of you but you'd understand, it's that downtown blues as I call it, you'll get used to it.

On the other note... this situation isn't getting any better,

just throwing that out there, and yeah... I'm scared to bring it up,

It's a miserable feeling but I guess I should feel miserable.

I just hope everything will be okay.

I'm living, sorta. much to do, homework for the weekend and still reading my little book

"Friday Night Knitting Club" and "Sandman", what a great reading list for now,

I might need some suggestions for Christmas.

"I got your cupid right here!"

Day 26.

2009-08-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

(A Tribute to the amazing writing of Robert Frost, Trent Reznor and Neil Gaiman)

Our dreams are filled with various heavens
but they are made from everyone else's horrors
we tire of reality and hope for a greater god to show us vengeance.

Reckoning has come upon us;
They'll tell you this everyday and everything remains the same,
their natural streets of fears will scab over their sins
and hope a higher being would peel them away.

I pray for my wings someday,
the gust of feathers falling upon my cold remains
the people will stand over me
and suddenly no one will think of anything to say.

Gray angels hollow and dense in texture
and yes I see them everyday.

(Everyday)

The skies are darkened by the lies
drowning the absence of light
like howling wolves.

We're waiting for hell and for some reason we forget it's right in front of us.
There's no place like home.

Day 25.

2009-08-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

[We're just disposable camera's.]

For awhile I have been tossed to the clouds
intoxicated by it's elevation,
but now I find myself laying flat on the ground.
It's a simple feeling where it's never truly clear
but soon enough, I'm hoping to say I like the view from down here.

Your heart desires independence
and while it cuddles with concealed rage
it only cherishes the sympathy of appearance.

I will not be cruel or cursed
to creatures walking on eggshells,
but distant to fake devils
who crumble in their own little shells.

Your smile hides the distortion coming from my head
and my loneliness is kindled and withdrawn from my bed.

(It's my best friend)

Our noisy voices vex our hopes and cry out for wolf
and they ravage... and ravage...

Day 24.

2009-07-21T14:16:00.001-07:00

As the air begins to burn
the dust picks up and scatters
particles of energy from small quantities of matter.

My skin begins to fade all that is left is my bones,
I am beginning to break away apart
and drift apart from myself and humanity.

Every step I take
feels as If I am walking across the sun
and I cannot save myself from the rapture
I have stumbled into.

I am silent for the last time
and I cannot go on.

I am one with the desert.
I am condemned to a fracture of quantities of matter.
I am one with the desert.

Day 23.

2009-07-21T14:15:00.001-07:00

I'm wasting another Saturday.
I'm throwing things and clinching my fists
and I am a empty vessel.
I can't stop thinking what if...
not the what if I would want, but the what if that reality always promises.
I've lost my appetite and my ability to leave the house,
I don't feel trap, not always but stranded sometimes
honest I don't know what to do
and I think what if...

I'm not getting any social but from this screen
and starting talk too much when it's best not to.
I hate thinking awful things and hate being here, in this moment
this situation, this miserable substance of a life.

Day 22/Orientation.

2009-07-18T10:50:00.001-07:00

"We are heaven and hell all at one
and we're paper thin away from slipping off the edge.
I am a obedient dog
and I will listen to my master."

Songs of the week.
Jason Mraz - Coyotes.
Bright Eyes - I Won't ever Be Happy Again.
Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated.
Dashboard Confessional - Again, I go Unnoticed.
Regina Spektor - Us.
Regina Spektor - Samson.
Paloalta - Breathe In.
Yellowcard -Keeper.
Yellowcard - Empty Apartment.
Linkin Park - New Divide.

Word of the day: Mopes
("It means bad guy" quoted the weird security guy lecturing.)

I didn't really like my Orientation as much as I thought, It wasn't what I was expecting
but It was mandatory, I was lucky I wasn't late due to the fact that
I was given the wrong address and had been counting loose change to fill
the dreaded parking meter.
I did find it by the way and I was shocked to find only a handful of transfer students.
(I guess less students transfer while more transfer out)
upon my breakfast which I could not finish, I was brought into a
lecture hall which I was there for three hours talking about the so-called
"mopes" and how not to smoke or drink on school property, (sadly enough-
I've heard worse.) and also not to keep your wallet in your back pocket.
(He was serious about this one kids.)
Other than lunch and my two hour registration where I couldn't
find any class I could take since Triton fucked me over like a baboon on a blind kid,
It didn't seem that much fun.
I did happily make new friends, especially some who were transferring in, I'm
hoping to see them in the months to come.

I am happy to say I am a student now, and I hope to have
many exciting adventures there. I am tired from the constant moving
around but I'll be fine, otherwise well... I should have more to talk about,
but not right now.

I do want to see (500) Days of Summer soon.

"People don't realize this but loneliness... it's underrated."

Day 21.

2009-07-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

"I can run.
run, run, run
run through the snow barefoot
run through woods

I can see the snow drifting in the air
as if they've been slowed down by time itself."

"Yesterday's a history, tomorrow's a mystery."
catchy phrase isn't it?
not everything can be mystery, sometimes you repeat the same moment
of the same day, the only difference is you've aged and your clothes are different.
I can't tell you what will happen, that's why they call it the present; A surprise!
just a lovely little system compromising the very flux of time and space.

I can't even say what I will do, will I go to work? well I need the money, will I see
some friends? that would be nice, decisions of the indecisive competing to
decide.

I am undecided, I am slow, an unset clock; I am pathetic and I can't sleep
I have to find someway to disappear but my life never changes, it's the same day after day
after day, and all I get is a little older with the same clothes.

I a wreck right now and it will only get worse, so what will I do? nothing.
there's never an answer.

What will you do?

Day 20.

2009-07-07T15:05:00.001-07:00

Upon my recent sorrows, I have been proclaimed the Joker; Existent to only the pitiless, un-honorable and the wicked treated by the filth of the powers that be, and naked with truth of a past less bearable. Truth. I feel like such a fool. I should keep my mouth shut, and fuck everyone. It's not that I feel helpless, just useless. I can't save myself from what ever hurts me, I could just go with the flow. Can't wait to pour more salt on the wound it wouldn't hurt. I've been hurt this summer every summer, I'm a wallflower treading the comatose city daily on my little bike. They got bored of me and I'm trailing across the unaltered skies

Lakeshore Trixies.

2009-06-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

In a town scented in novelty shops, drunken residents and rooftop bleachers where Irish Americans can watch a game

and throw mustard and beer bottle downs on a parked car, a lakeview trixie is not that far away.

Promiscuously staggering across the city in their high heels from bar to bar, looking for someone to fill the space.

They fill their eyes with perfume and their bodies with laxatives while they walk barefoot down lakeshore to not fall

flat between the sewers and the road. Someday these harlots, trixies, aged hipsters will look back discover themselves

trapped in suspended animation, wallowing in the fill of their husband sweat and juices until their moment of purging is done with and say,

I was young once, yes I did wear leggings and skinny jeans and perform for the boys in my bikini sized dress, I was young, but not anymore,

now it's my daughter turn.

Crawling in the Dark.

2009-05-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

If you punch me I bleed,
dowse me and water and watch me shake it off,
I'm no Hulk, no Indestructible man; No.

I live in a vacuumed cubicle of tireless effort to struggle
for knowledge and a sense of joy; it's the pain that keeps me from
giving up, it's the blood that secretes from the wound and splatters upon
the rooftops and city streets that lets me know I'm doing my job.

I'm calm, and open to the first hit, the first strike, the first blow.
I'm part of an Eden that births virgins and sacrificial lambs that rape each other
out of their pride and nourishment.

Their fate between all that is dark, a force that pulls the answers towards the light.

Day 19.

2009-05-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

"Philip Pullman pushed me in a glass jar and now I'm suffocating"

I'm not a friend
and please don't wait for me, all you'll see is pity.
I'll be your beggar and ask and keep asking till I'm
forced to run from the truth of my own weaknesses.

I toss out jewels and diamonds for bicycle seats and ragged carpets
I'm alone and the crows circle ruminating my fragile state.

There's boarded windows and broken glass bottles
and I'm ruin with spirits and shot with pesticides and cancers,
I'm my own rapture.

Feathery covers and white penciled in walls with latex
One day I write my book and the publisher will fall in love with me
and I'l have the world at my feet for 12 minutes.

Day 18.

2009-05-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

The Keeper

As the sand crosses the sky with harmless elevation
the never ending man is holding a clock that is always ten minutes fast.

He stands by a case that holds a violin he never plays,
a love he wants to leave.

His face is wrinkled and his eyes are dim,
he walks in circles around the saying "never again".

The sun stands right behind him,
but he never notices,
the ticking of the clock swallows out the other noises.

As the sand begins to falls,
a crow lands between the distance and the sand.

All howls and cries couldn't stop the crow from landing.
One fell swoop, satisfying his hunger from his duty
and suddenly he began to fly off with the sand ruminating in the distance.

Swallowing all sight and sound,
Circling the never ending man
and shadowing the distance between the sand and the ground.

A Love he wants to leave.

Day 17.

2009-04-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

I am trapped in a glass bowl, a bowl is consumed with water, dirty stale water that is overwhelmed through my nose and engulfed in my mouth as a sedative. Distractions are infamous visions of grandeur and the visions are always the same, the shock an awe are all I see, and the tears are tears of love and fear. I float unwillingly, endless and waiting for air. I am unable to breathe.

I need to find a new scene.

Day 16.

2009-04-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

I want to feel silence. watch the fog creep over the fences, watch the street lamps turn off. I can close my eyes and still that mailbox from a mile away, it's a pattern, something embedded in me. the commitment, the duty, the call. I never really know what to say anymore, it's not good. I've been well, I spent my Spring Break here in bed most of the time. I went Paintballing, really fun, I still struggle in school, like always, I can't help but to look around and I feel weird because it feels like people already think I'm weird if they look at me. Another Family member has died, my Uncle, he had Prostate Cancer. Second uncle to die, 1st was lung cancer. It is coming as a shock but not as much as I want it to be, I heard that he was dying saturday morning, and I immediately couldn't think about it and walked away, a minute later I just fell in silence. It's going to be really hard to see him at his funeral, I just can't. My mom says we're leaving soon, I don't know when but soon. He was a veteran, silent, always being the first one up with his coffee standing outside fully dressed, listening to the sound of silence, rain or shine. He'd be out there. I always pictured what that felt like, standing out there, peaceful, that's not something you just go and do, that's put into you. The army puts that into you, that urge for silence, it's inhaling. I will miss him, and I will never think he's gone. he's just outside listening to the sound of silence.

Day 15.

2009-03-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

Women will keep on singing the blues.
while men suck their youth
and float in bubbles
just to flirt with their mothers.

It's a year for love.
It's year for a tragedy.

There's a duality in those thoughts, a conflict with whether
destruction is still a lovely noun for my vocabulary or not.
Its a mirror, and my face ages 40 years.
I no longer recognized myself, I am old.

I am washed up, I am a broken soul if there ever was one,
I don't think i'll make it to see rose peddles caress the grass
and the trees of pinks and whites stand in ocean deep fields.

I wish I could picture her face,
but my vision is getting blurry.

It's time to go now,
That sun is setting,
Time to close up shop,
Last Stop...

Doors Closing.

Lovers please don't get up. - 03/20/2009

Day 14.

2009-03-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

The light flickers, a heart beats, and silence rings.
As the two begin to rage war, the light emanates into the distance
and burst into a flame right above their heads.
The fire spreads into a shape, a bird like figure appears,
but different, it legs were longer and it had no beak, it had
the body of man, a man with wings. The fire begin turn blue and then purple
and finally blood red until the flame dispersed, and a winged figure
floated over their heads.

I can't cry anymore, I've lost all my tears and now I am about dry up and turn
to sand.

I'm going to see Watchmen on Friday, hopefully it lives up to it's hype.

I can't unclench my hand.

Day 13.

2009-02-26T21:18:00.000-08:00

Someday; she'll look at me and say
the days look brighter
and peoples spirits seem higher,
and I know now you won't need him anymore,
your able to live a normal life just like before.
It's what we've always wanted.

Oh boy, I wait for that day,
but that day isn't today.

The night is time to jump around
and make this city my playground.

I stop bad guys!
It's what I do.
What else am I going to do with my life.

Day 12.

2009-02-22T16:48:00.000-08:00

Revalation.

Was it divine providence?

I'm not entirely sure, but all that is in despair, will always have one surviving

flower, and in that moment, the lamp flickers for the last time, and all has disappeared.

and in that darkness, the chapter ends.

Today is the day I want to come out of my shell,

I wish that someone would fight back instead of me punching a wall

and forgetting what it means to cry.

I want love of conversing towards another person more interesting than me,

I want to see what love looks like through my eyes, the colors

striking the city streets in the mid-season of year, the cars languidly

and people acting like dolls in a toy pin.

There's too much silence and desperation in my life, I want it to disappear.

I want to disappear, I want to be different colors and just be absorbed by the light.

I'll see it all, and I'll be happy.

Day. 11

2009-02-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

Just one flash brings her back home, one sound.

A black paw find itself in her vision, with teeth and and dark blue eyes

that form the shape of blue gemstones.

The night lamp rises and all is seen is the face of the wolf and the young girl.

Whatever fear that was, has disappeared, and what stands is anger.

There poetic ending to all.

Death comes to us.

Am I wrong to have what I want?

do I have to parade around for it?

Oh there's a fire in me

I hope it never burns out.

I feel good...

I'm like a crazed dog wanting my supper,

deranged from my abuse

humble, but dangerous.

Day 10.

2009-02-17T17:18:00.001-08:00

There teeth glistening from the saliva drooling down there mouth,

a clash of hunger. The young girl shows no fear, stands deep into

their eyes, looking for the leader, "don't go" says the boy faintly,

her current nature draws sadness to his eyes, her savage stare

begins to fade once she looks back at him, she smiles and says

"I will always be here".

Touching words for a final minute of life. All her life she was searching

for something that couldn't be found, something that life couldn't

expect. Did she say everything she could, did she do all things she wanted

without regret, did it ever occur to her that this would be her final day...

Am I there...

Are my hands clean, was it all fair.

I wouldn't waste a day...

Am I suppose to take every hit

Are my actions true, is it?

What side have chosen?

Is this my skin I'm cutting through

or just another design?

Am I suppose to beaten and brutalized

that I don't even recognize myself anymore.

there's a demon in these walls and the mirror deceive me.

I can look up

and watch the sky

watch elevation

I'm ready for the grand opening.

I'll be standing between you and the people I protect.

There won't be any walls or mirrors.

Just you and me.

We'll take the fight to skies.

Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.

Jonah 1.2

Day 9.

2009-02-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

The wolves surround the cabin, 4 turn to 14 and then to 20.

in their last stand against the pack, the girl stands defenseless with the

night lamp in hand, and her arm around her little brother's poisoned body.

The spiders have run scarce from the wolves, and have taken refuge on walls,

They stare at her now, piercingly, one by one circling around her like a shark,

they are hungry, and they are ready to feed.

For the past few days, I've been busy mingling, setting self esteem too high

to reach and too low to sustain.

My clothes smell of cigarettes and sweat, I'm waiting till my face turns rough and wrinkled

and I finally see the faint look of blood on the bathroom sink.

second hand smoke kills.

But I'm healthy, well as I come.

I need exercise, nothing is free, we have to pay for everything

I'm waiting till thinking becomes a crime and I'm called a "free-thinker" for my

realism and pessimistic ways.

I need something to read, my 2 hour wait before class is unbearable, I have some money,

but I don't wish to spend it, I guess that's why they call us college students.

well none the less, I'm trying.

I should go now, work on my diction and learn how to speak louder, especially yelling.

One of my lessons of acting, I'm surprised someone found out about my lisp and mumbling.

Better do tongue twisters...

Bye.

Day 8.

2009-02-14T01:07:00.000-08:00

The wolves are surrounding the cabin...

What do these haunting beasts desire,

flesh...

No...

I'm walking up walls.

Day 7.

2009-02-11T15:38:00.000-08:00

You cannot simply walk up to a man and become friends anymore,
no, people become so cautious and vengeful that they will simply
walk right up to you and stab you in the chest.
Violence corrupts our hearts so deeply, is life worth it anymore,
their skin is tainted with such a sourness to it, there eyes are dry from
the methane released in their sidewalks. Their own radiation is elevated.
If there is a god, forgive us.

... Where have I been all this time?

I'm a Fall 2009 Columbia student now. I am happy, I would start to tear u, but
I'm patient and I'm in a peaceful state right, plus i'm doing homework.
I feel tired, but accomplished.
No worries...
No worries...

Your love is strong.

Day 6.

2009-02-10T22:52:00.000-08:00

In time, you'll come to understand. that's all I have to give. I thought Valentines day was on the 6th, how wrong was I, how tired am I. Back and forth for a weeks gratification, and not a single appreciation, Oi, how wrong was I. I'll stay. ~P.S. Oh and I can't seem to get that new Geico Commercial out of my head.

Day 5.

2009-02-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

When the dawn comes, the pimps and and bottle breakers make their last stand,the whores wait till the vicodin wears off and makes it way towards the agression.The darkness is screaming, it's cry for attention is taken deep from the soul.I will make sure I will bring the fight straight to them, I will attack neither body normind, I will fight.The dawn will come, and that's where it will start.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid what will happen in the weeks to come.is the darkness spreading? I can't tell.School is ungratifying, repetitive, and uneducational, I have to wait and seehow my math class is going to be.I really want to know what I want.

Day 4. (meant for yesterday.)

2009-02-09T07:41:00.001-08:00

There's a purpose in life. unknowing, unbound, never touched.
We are simple minded and headed straight for disaster, but in that very sense,
we reach our potential.
Purpose is common, but it is only just a word, a way of comprehension,
bound in the form of a sentence. We don't quite know what it is, or how
it began, but we figure out a means to live.

Today I witness hope in the eyes of several human beings,
finding themselves, and witnessing I clean up pretty well.
Lauren's Baptism was today,nice, I saw how people can truly be nice
to one other and how you could be comfortable in a place.
Got my gloves back, and hung out with Rob, which was fun.
Watched the Grammy Awards as well, I thought that Paul McCartney
should have won (Even though I don't like him),
I was surprised that Blink 182 is finally back together.

We all have to find purpose, if not, we turn to disaster.
We are meant to live for something.

~P.S. I really want to see the Reader.

Day 3.

2009-02-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

She looks at me everyday. Mary Jane Watson. Oh boy! If she only knew how I felt about her. But she can never know. I made a choice once to live a life of responsibility. A life she can never be a part of. Who am I? I'm Spider-Man, given a job to do. And I'm Peter Parker, and I too have a job. Who am I to make the choice. Love, Friendship, Family. all these things means so much to me,

but I have found my weakness, my kryptonite, I will be savior to some,

A god to others, and an danger to all.

Let us remember, why we feared the dark.

Today was bland, but good.

Day 2.

2009-02-06T16:11:00.000-08:00

Love lost, than found, than lost again. hollow, empty words parading my mind,

I can see it now, the tirelessly witty boyfriend and the humble and eager girlfriend,

walking in mid-degree weather across sidewalks and street corners, how coarse.

They walk right under me, they seem unfazed by their surroundings and my obsessive

galavanting, I see them everyday, breaking the tips of glass bottles and shoving them in the others face,

using unsatisfying words in public and fornicating in back alleys. These streets are filled with love,

people scatter over the wretched phobia of men kissing men and women feeding lust into bodies,

those who sleep during the day and dance during the night, They're afraid, we all are.

The cries of hypocrites in uniform stand outside Union Station and signal for help and find out... there is no help.

I felt really accomplished today, and I've found solace in

notice of the date, it truly is a day of pain.

it is now 6:25 and in the future I will finish at. 6:41.

Love lost, love found, Love lost again.

Day 1.

2009-02-05T15:56:00.000-08:00

The Iron mongers and back sweaters retire from daily shifts of labor, and walk the streets with cups in their hands, mother's smoking cannabis at their yoga classes when their children become

drones for the next generation. The gutter and alleyways are crowded with pools of homeless, and their belongings, their filth haunts the streets. The corrupt drown in their daily Mocha Expresso's, and Non-fat Lattes. Not even monkeys would drink this.

My Theatre days have not even started.

Volunteering isn't quite so helpful, my coworkers there share my

opinion with such distinction and unsatisfied.

It's getting colder, and I struggle through the city; worried, alone, and confused.

the horrific drivers plaguing the streets with unlavishing sounds secrete crack into

the highway pavement, surfacing from ice and tension.

Money well spent.

Fuel burns faster and faster everyday now, people are wishing for spring.

I would like to see fall.

Heaven Have Mercy.

2009-01-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

I'm amazed by the hyper reality of an artist and their aggressive optimism towards there

desire to "make it big someday". It occurred to me vaguely when I was doing some

general research on Diablo Cody, (Which I admire) and mainly learning more about her,

and her writing, but really what took my interest closely is a French film titled "La Vie En Rose".

A movie based on the french singer Edith Piaf.

The reason for that interest was her history, and the background she was raised upon.

For thousands of centuries, artists have had one thing in common, they're broke, and most become

famous and die wealthy while others die poor, but become famous in that process, It's bittersweet poetry.

For Edith Piaf it seems that her fame was found when she young. She was a daughter of a Street acrobat,

and a cafe singer. They were poor and abandoned her to live with her grandmother in a brothel until age 14 when she was taken

by her father to perform with him on the streets as she did with her mother, her singing career was launched by

a bar owner Louis and then went on from their until she died at 47 of Liver Cancer,

the story is poetic but there's no irony.

Artist's single themselves to be more than who they really are, some are born alone and sad and die the same way, just known

more towards a variety of people. The story is usually the same, Men and Women would stand on street corners performing

and entertaining whoever wanted to listen or look in older times, the irony is that they still do this to this day, musicians in subways

performing, painters; painting pictures of halfwitted yuppies, photographers taking pictures of a strangers wedding, and all for what?

The one thing we love the most, money.

It is quite common for artist's to abuse what wealth they have, you're first buying your parents a new house,

then you're snorting coke off some girls ass, and then dying of either suicide, venereal diseases, homicide, cancer or better yet old age.

Usually when you grow old, you sell out more, I'll probably shoot myself on my 50 birthday, and you've suddenly

pierce through a life filled with so much melancholy it's cancerous. You didn't who were at that time, but it's all behind you.

I'm not bad mouthing artists, I don't know what to even call myself but I know I admire what art is and the people who love it.

There's so much emotion in art, that's what makes us different from another, we hate other but love ourselves and end up hating ourself.

There's so much irony here...

It's poetry.

" Si vous étiez de donner le conseil à une femme, que ce serait-il ?" " Amour ".

" À une jeune fille " ? "Amour ".

" À un enfant " ? " Amour ".

Artiste's keep that aggression. Let it flourish.

(Oh and I've come to like Edith Piaf's music alot.!)

The Monkey Man.

2008-12-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

I have to find a doctor, or a priest, someone quick!

I believe my mind is starting to play a trick.

My eyes had widened more and more,

when I saw creatures seep through my living room floor

I stepped back ever so gently trying not to cause a sound,

until I heard a scream of a brightly yellow cat which tail I had found.

Their were wolves with blue fur, and clowns melting in their own tear,

I began to yell it was all dream when the creatures came near.

I sprung to the ceiling as if a cat to a tree,

when all of a sudden the creatures began to flee.

Their eyes grew cold as if something so frightening sprung from hell,

whatever it was, it came to ring my doorbell.

I was too frightened, too muddled, too stuck to reach the door,

I hung there in silence till the knocking came no more.

I resided to my bedroom puzzled and without any answer

had I gone mad?

was it all a dream?

Questions I dare not ask .

The walk through my bedroom gave me no such answer

but when a call of my name with tenderness and care.

A man,

No!

A Monkey!

A Monkey Man!

hanging from my ceiling light

with a smile on its face

heavily in my site.

He jumped and sat on top of my lamp

there he smiled, and stared and stared

his tail bobbing around and twitching his hair.

My words unclear and could only squeak through

leaving me fainting stating..."who are you?"

He began to walk closer to me lingering as he does

drawing close to me with a whisper...

I don't know what I want, but I know who I am.

2008-12-23T00:13:00.000-08:00

When you're between the ages of 12 to 16, you're culture of T.V. changes. Instead of just watching animated figures attacking each other, or executing a funny joke you end up watching pre-teens furiously trying to make it through High School. Instead of conversing with friends at school over trading cards and Dolls you'll start talking about where to sit next year at lunch and what to wear tomorrow. Now I didn't mention this for everyone, I know a few people that still collect trading cards. But I am mentioning a specific group. Now I know most of you are close to my age, so I know at least once in your life, you were watching something on MTV. Don't deny it, I did to (Truth, Jackass, Real World). It's a strange phenomenon that has shown an occurrence through "Generation X" and Y, which MTV likes to call "The Obama Generation". I'm not here to declare why we watched it, I'm simply putting to motion that MTV is not what we want anymore. MTV's ratings through the last 2 years have fallen, including 23% fall in the ages of 12 to 34 (Which is an odd age for someone to still be watching). So MTV has declared that in the next 4 1/2 months they will be viewing 16 new unscripted series. This new information was referenced saying that they all aim visually towards either "The Cinematic feel of The Hills" or "The Aesthetics that are novel to reality television" Mha. Sorry I needed a laugh. What makes this sound even more repugnant, is that these shows will be produced by various celebrities such Sean "P Diddy" Combs, Matt Stone & Trey Parker (I have no idea who that is), Donald Trump, and Nick Lachey. I'll give you some time to let this sink in and laugh. I won't go into more detail about this new information, but I will ask. Does anyone beyond the ages of 18 still watch MTV? You don't have to answer. I just wonder what was it that intrigued us so much to view a channel made for Music videos that doesn't play music. Was it the significance of knowing how hard it can be when you're girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend?, or that these so called "real people" feel exactly how you do, just remember, a lot of teen actors (Aren't really teens.) I think it was the ads that kept informing us about the new Nikes or Trojan Condoms. Maybe the desire of being like those beautiful 20 year old actors playing 17 or 16 kissing and riding around in their Moms BMW around LA. I can hear the pacific... Whatever the significance is, I feel that once we reach that ripe age, we no longer need MTV. Because we've finally figured out what true drama is outside you're parent's house. The desperation of how fucking cold it is in december of the Midwest. How you hope you're car doesn't stop on you in the middle of rush hour and how you're begging your boss to give you another chance. Is it a dream? a nightmare? No. Reality. It hurts, and all you can do is bounce right back. Now don't be mad. You're a fucking teenager and you're going to have a lot of regrets, but don't make this one of them. Just remember you didn't asked for my MTV, it's the new profound parents that were once you're age that believed that Members Only jackets would last forever, that believed in the Mullet and the Jerry Curl, and when Glam Metal bands ruled the stage with brightly colored spandex and big hair. They asked for it. So I ask you, tell me did you or do you watch on MTV. I've already spoken and told what I needed to say, I just needed to say I don't know what I want, I just know it's not MTV.

Reckless.

2008-12-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

This city is deserted
they're afraid of me.

All the purse snatchers and prostitutes
scared of my spontaneous resentment to negotiate
and my lack of empathy.

The wind blows in hurray to catch the
wandering stampede of rioters asking for law and conduct
when I beg for no conduct and no law.

I'm willing to put my life on the line to save this city,
even if it isn't my life.

I'll risk all their lives and their souls
to make the stench of strangled hookers, corrupt cops,
and dead babies disperse.

One day I will pay for my crimes,
but now I'll stay here to stop blood from draining down gutters
and lit liquor bottles from spurting on parked cars.

Oh Sorry, It was a Brissel, it was a good bargain/And the Popular votes are in...

2008-12-04T21:42:00.000-08:00

So to start off, I need to ask. How many of you went shopping on Black Friday? I didn't really want a answer,

because half of you have already made post about it, or told me face to face.

And I have one "tiny" thing to tell you all. You're all Dumb Motherfuckers.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

Last week a Wal-mart employee was trampled by a crowd of shoppers at 5 am, when the doors we're opening.

It was said that other employees tried to help him, but we're trampled as well, ( they lived).

Video also say that once the crowd dimmed down, many customers walked over the trampled employee,

and when the manager tried closing the store, many customers were still shopping, especially when the ambulance arrived

on the scene.

I can actually picture it.

Manager: Uhhhh Attention Wal-mart shoppers! (he has to have some gusto in his voice, or pity)

Manager: We're experiencing some... technical difficulties reaching some of our employees at the door.

Manager: We ask that you calmly drop you're items and proceed in an orderly fashion to the exit.

Manager: Also, their seems to be some traffic outside the store. We ask the shopper with Minivans to move

so that the ambulance can get in please.

Thank You for shopping at Wal-mart.

Mmmmm. You gotta love the western culture. They did talk to one of the customers involved with incident. Sadly, only thing mentioned

was that it was for a 28$ vacuum, Oh sorry!, it was a Brissel Compact Upright, so I guess it was a good bargain!

On the bright side of things. The average dollar amount spent per customer rose from last year, and that the number of

customers who claimed to have completed their shopping was higher than it was previous years, (Which makes that bad thing)

Mostly because the company is taking a great to knowing that they won't be back for awhile

(cough) Best Buy!.

Oh and also let's try not to forget our so called "Recession" we've been for quite some time now.

Hm wonder what happened their? Eh probably engulfed by Kanye West's ego (He's not my voice the generation)

Plus T.I.'s better!

A lot of people still are raving over the election (and a good thing) but aren't really listening

to what most of them have to say. It's mostly Obama's plan or Palin's distasteful views on being a MILF (Mother I'd (We Know!!!)

Me and my mom don't watch it much, but my grandmother sure does. It's mostly what she watches now; Every T.v in the house is stuck on

CNN. I have to reprogram each one before bed.

Me and my mom don't anymore, we're happy we won finally, we did our part. but we listen to XM Comedy, and

had a revelation that I've been thinking about for sometime now. It came to me when I was listening to George Carlin and

Lewis Black, and it was that most comedians would make great politicians. clearly it's the truth. Simply look at many of the

traits many stand-up comedians have. Brutal Honesty, Improvisation, Great research, and one thing that's make them legendary.

Offensive use of language. The only time I've ever heard many people say, "Well offensive" to a stand-up comedian was when

Don Tjernagle kept talking about the Big Black Booby that was flashed on the Superbowl Halftime. These americans are truly

showing their patriotism by telling us what the fuck is wrong with us. We are so uptight with everything. My god, have we really

come to a point in our generation where we're too stupid to figure out that Al Qaeda was right.

I should stop here before I go too far (And I was just getting started).

I should have an ending.

Eh Fuck it.

Sex and Candy, Yea...

2008-10-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

I am alone.

Why is it that human being can't live alone?

Is it because of our emotions?, who knows!. All I know is that I'm actually feeling revolted by it.

Every time I walk down a street and I'm forced to watch others in the comfort of someone else's hands,

I'm actually mising holding hand, I relish holding hands now.

I saw people that weren't part of my equilibrium, they set me off balance and I was getting so nervous that

I just had to lower my head. I hate myself for being myself,

I just wished I had someone to talk to I guess more then that, but someone I could tell jokes to and just smile at.

I'm not saying this too much to ask because I'd probably be showing a sign of desperation.

Possibly!. I'm not trying to.

I saw Zack and Miri Make a Porno tonight, I liked it, ending seemed undone, but it was good. Seth Rogen has become

the new Jack Black, well more on the terms of overweight comedic actors, in other terms, I believe he's set a higher

level of comedy for the younger generation,(You know like Animal House was when it came out). I'm not comparing them,

I'm just setting an example. The movie did have some confusing on what type would this be under, because it didn't

feel like an Apatow film, (Obviously because he didn't produce it), nor a Seth Rogen "written" film because

there were no references to weed or Paul Rudd in this movie, nor Kevin Smith, (except for Star Whores), but it felt like

a consumption between all three, (besides the weed reference and Paul Rudd).

Back onto the subject, I saw it by myself, (Like most of the films) and I just felt the silence between me walking to my car

and on the ride home, It's sickening. Maybe I just need to process some things, it's been a stressful week and

just wanted so much towards my surroundings, that I felt lonely and regretted what I said, it's so Hypocritical.

What a way to spend halloween, I wonder how Christmas is going to feel!

Why can't humans be emotionless?, do you believe how rational life would be, everyone would be like worker ants

in a straight line program for one main object. Fuck.

I'm not going insane, it's just that my mind is rushing and also I thought about this in the car, so it was a lot to process and

comprehend. I still have some sanity, I can say I have more Joaquin Phoenix honestly, I'm not gonna be like Robert DeNiro

from Taxi Driver and try to shoot the President just so I could be with a hooker, I have morals.

The making of a beautiful demon inside a smile.

2008-10-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

I'm in class, writing in my little green notebook.

writing about the man in the smiley face mask.

Thinking about him, watching the flashes of his life

fade into mine.

It should be mine!

I slam my fist against the desk, scaring every closed minded clone in class.

Their staring at me and I'm afraid to stare back.

So I walk out of the classroom and go into the hall and cry.

Cry over what's going on in my mind.

Crying about those zombies in suits and those fucking whores

and disease driven pigs embedding themselves into each others skins.

Fornicating.

Disgusting.

Watching the city breathe smoke and spit oil.

Infecting me, secreting into my wounds and filling my head with the

word "Savior."

I'm losing myself.

The man in the Smiley Face mask is comforting me, he's telling me

to take his hand, telling me it's alright, and asking me to smile.

I know now that everything is alright, that I can smile.

He will fix everything.

I know, he's right beside me.

Taking over.

Fixing everything.

God could be in the T.V. Ooooo What channel?

2008-10-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

If I were the last human being on earth, I'd be happy.

If for some reason, humanity just de-evolved by some weird fucking virus

and It had some reaction to my blood type making me stronger and heightened my sense

making me the perfect (and only) human being alive.

I'd be happy.

I've had this recurring idea for a story in my head, the sad thing is

most of my stories stay in my head, when I try to write them down, the chapter and scenes

are hard to comprehend into good writing. But anyway it has something to do with the future.

(I should try and summarize it.)

I think at this point in my life It feels like I've seen so many things I really wasn't ready for.

It's like turning my head around and just seeing someone sit in a chair and stare at me as if he's going to kill me.

It kind of looks like he's wearing the planet of the apes costume. (the old one, not the crappy Tim Burton version)

It Scary!!!

But anyways I think I'm just sick of people crying and me just noticing myself stand there

in a confused manner as If I don't know what their crying about, maybe I'm just tired of so many things going wrong

in mine and others lives.

Maybe.

I think that is why I wish I was the only person left in the world. Well, I mean one girl couldn't hurt.

but I don't think it works that way. Maybe we'd both be God's battling each other again, again, till we're both dead.

When I think of Gods I think of Deus Ex Machina. (God is in the Machine or A God from a Machine) makes more sense,

the distant future is upon us.

I started thinking Heath Ledger today, and it wasn't about the Dark Knight ironically, I was thinking about Lords of Dogtown.

I thought about his performance and just felt I thinking about something much deeper that I couldn't comprehend,

oh well It will come to me soon enough.

This new generation of blacks and latinos and Muslim brothers and sisters are gonna stand up and make this country an offer it can't refuse. An offer it can't refuse. So wake up! Wake up! Wake up! - Zack De La Rocha.

I stare into the sun all day long.

2008-09-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

I am one person,

in a giant world.

I am alone

and I like it that.

I stare at the sun.

through my living room window

and I stay there so long,

I forget what time it is.

Time passes through me.

Like a ghost.

I just don't seem to catch it.

Red is the best paint to color a dreamcatcher.

2008-09-22T16:26:00.000-07:00

I am a Universe.

I am infinite,

engulfing every piece of life

that surrounds my presence.

bound by sympathy and nothing more.

I have found only one

who worships my presence

but she loves another,

not me.

She'll jump my bed when the sun has shown it's face

through my window and rub my head

when the lines have disappeared from my night stand.

but I can't escape the fact of the other,

a black hole, holding everything in an unbalance.

destined to revisit old dreams.

Splattered in a crisis.

In which case, I leave you with this.

2008-09-22T16:24:00.000-07:00

This is my world.
These are my things.
My Black V-Neck sweater, My Pool table, My Fight Club Dvd.
My world is surrounded by inanimate objects
and I cherish them,
but something has happened.
There are hole in my world.
There are punctures and ruptures
across my simulated reality
corroded by time.
Marveling over this bloom of unnamed zeitgeist.
I have felt the unbalance between my consciousness
and my soon-to-be apocalyptic reality.
Suffering immorally through what I have come to
see as the horrifying sight
that this isn't my world anymore.
and my things are gone.
I do not miss them
I miss their purpose.

Picture yourself.

2008-08-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

Say to yourself "I'm fighting for the middle man"

like a rolling stone trotting through holy water

only to find it was impure.

Little kids playing in the streets while their mom

and dads are plucking holes in New York's back alleys

and Sears box homes.

While fascist men of the hour head to their sanctuaries

outside cities and from poverty infested dopplegangers.

Lust driven husbands, alcoholic wives and their

medicated children.

Picture yourself living with the messenger

and finding out you'd only be sold for an ounce the next hour.

Saying Love doesn't teach you to fly. (L'Amour de parole ne vous enseigne pas à voler).

2008-08-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

I am the quiet bear, sleeping through the winter.

ridden from dedworc sdnim of the others.

My body begins to shake after consumption of alcohol

imaging and reimaging ecneconni into schizophrenia.

I'll pull my hat over my eyes to cry and hide against the corner.

I wish I could speak french so I could

tell her how I feel without her ever knowing.

We could argue back and forth in different languages.

L'amour vient tout vrai dans les rêves. Les rêves peuvent être un morceau écrasant.

Batman is Modernizing.

2008-07-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

I believe Michael Keaton's role is historical, Same with Kevin Conroy and Christian Bale's. I believe it depends on the generation, which pisses me off. Sometimes when a franchise like this strikes it's way back into the media's eye (ex. Star Wars, Clerks, Green Day Whatever, the original fans are disgusted by it's return because the original series is what they grew up with and now that it they see younger children listening to these bands or watching these movies they treat them as foreigners trying assimilate to a new culture.

Thinking that they do not know true expression they or it had on people during that time and then
franticly say how they hate them. I believe that's vanity calling to them at a younger age. I believe it's also the new age of adaptation and redundant look on accepting new things. Thing they're confused about, thing's they can't keep up with or understand. So they hate it, They don't go through the process of understanding change in this world. We change everyday, we have to look to the future instead of dreading on the past.
Sorry I got off subject, This new Batman franchise is made for a more realistic view on who Batman really is, he's a Detective, he's not a superhero, he has no powers, plus did you see Batman and Robin, talk about cheesy, we all fail many times but we learn from our failures to try again. I believe the new Batman is good, especially for the newer generation.

Everything was Gold

2008-06-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

My vision called out friendship when I was 16 in the 1960's.

The times were changin', race riots, music, politics.

We would be together like a pack of wolves

just sliding down escalators and smoking by the plants

We were all different. Michael would always love talk,

he would talk about Bobby Kennedy and how he was going to change the world

Patrick, would smoke almost 80 sticks a day and would always wear the same thing,

I don't think he liked me much but he I don't think he minded.

John was the mall security, he'd sneak us through the mall theater

and through mall back rooms he liked me because I was black.

He thought I cool because I would hangout with people that wasn't my

own race. We would make trouble anywhere we could.

We'd help the little kids slide down the escalator and let them listen

to old folk records.

One day Cassius Clay was said to walk through the mall on a monday night,

We went to go see him. When he walked through the mall, a crowd

covered him like ants to old meat, I met up with everyone, John fist bumped me

and smile, then soon after I heard a gunshot go off, I got scared If he hurt,

all I could see is Clay uppercutting someone and then I woke up 40 years

later stuck in a old man's body.

That's kinda gay but alright.

2008-06-30T00:50:00.000-07:00

This will make me seem crazy.

Watching a young black teen set himself on fire in front of a college University

sitting under a white tree,

appearing on my black and white t.v. screen.

Understanding the word fascist and it's scare across the United States.

dreaming of meeting a man who said he'd ran away from the circus

and drift from Barnes and Nobles to another, catching him

serenading a woman in the secret back alleys of Manhattan

taking her virginity and the last 20 dollars she had for the rest of the week.

The transporting hot plate produces the sweat on our backs.

Why didn't Surf's Up do good in theaters.

2008-06-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Surf's Up is a really under appreciated animated movie. This is Sony's first animated film

and I hate it's lack of Box Office success.

It's a real great movie with a great story line. I love the theme that was put together,

the mockumentary is pretty clever and also the music and Computer graphics are really amazing,

especially in Blu-Ray.

The movie has a great story line, nothing cliche and very original.

The movie hit theaters in June last year (2007) but had no success

reaching box office. The reason why it didn't do so well because of it was coming out

the same time as Ratatouille and Shrek the Third were making it's way into theaters

and also the attention. The attention by Hollywood's overuse for Penguin films

and leaving people to think of it as a rip off of Happy Feet.

None of the humor is derived from them being penguins (which makes it different from

Happy Feet and March of the Penguins and the whole reason they're penguin is for

purely aesthetic value. The ending is a bit similar to the

movie "Cars", showing that it's not always about winning and shows that

he gives up his chance to win only to help someone in need.

The movie shows a unique point of view about having fun doing what you love

and knowing it isn't all about winning. The movie gets a 10 out of 10 from me.

Why is it so hard to make a Hulk Movie.

2008-06-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

I saw the Incredible Hulk the first night it came out a few weeks ago.

I saw "Hulk" a few days after It smash into theaters, and I have come to conclusion

to admire both movies. the reason for my admiration with both movies

were have different qualities towards the story which made both really good to see

but did not make me more of a fan to the comics because both stories seem to go

far from the comics.

Hulk, which was directed by Ang Lee is a very poetic story filled with a base

of melancholy towards each character but also raise the stakes of great CGI and action

scenes.

One thing I loved about the film was it's it's portrayal towards bringing more out about the

character, the alter ego, the man behind the mask. but also giving progression to the protagonist

which is based from the movie. The reason for David Banners rage is for his abuse as a child by his

his own father which becomes the Villain of the movie.

The movie brought great box office numbers but was a flop towards fans and poser wannabes of the Hulk

story line, believing only in watching the Hulk enraged and breaking things instead

of knowing the origin of his life and accepting the comics true hero.

The second movie "The Incredible Hulk" was a reboot to the 2003 version.

Taking more from the 1970's T.v show instead of the comics or 2003 version.

The story was given to Edward Norton to revision and well, it made box office #1 for the week.

The story was very edgy and more in depth with how the show was taken. The dialogue was

a bit slow and dragging a bit for the characters but I think many people were more on the action

sequence. the movie with good result but not as much as "The Dark Knight" or "Iron Man," possibly

because it's a reboot but also the lack of hype towards it, (ex. late trailers) not much information

leaked out. The was still a success.

Both movies are represented in the Marvel Studios. One minor belief I think of the movie is

Like twin brothers, The first movie is a nice young lad where he plays by the rules, where

unlike his brother The Incredible Hulk is the doppleganger, reckless

breaking rules at every turn. Both movies set together as an unlikely family

sort of pushed r forced together by Marvel Studios.

Both Movies are very well done does not answer my question.

Why is it so hard to make a Hulk movie?

End this.

2008-06-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

Life surprises you.

nothing can never be fully planned out.

It reeks of drama and euphoric moments of bliss with a hint of melancholy.

My life is becoming a train wreck covered up by the government.

I don't dwell on my past but I worry about my future, I worry about who will I become,

where will I be in life in 5 years, what changes will occur.

My summer hasn't seem so well, and I do not know where it's going.

I just feel like I'm sinking and sinking till this heavy ocean of pressure and gravity

makes my lung pressurize and squeeze my body till it breaks.

I don't understand my life at all. I don't understand my friends. I constantly see no

similarity nor beliefs, I feel I have to be this negotiator trying to make sure this debate

doesn't turn sour and end up with us yelling at each other. I have to takes sides even though

I hate taking sides.

I don't know where my love life is going, I don't understand my body, my mind.

I don't understand my mind, it's ridiculous.

It comes to a point where stress is thrown out the window

and it becomes a crisis.

Maybe it's just my year. I am a leo you know.

So Narrowing Down the Lollapalooza Schedule.

2008-06-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

I think I'll just go on saturday and possibly Friday. Friday. The Kills 3:15 - 4:15 Gogol Bordello 4:15 - 5:15 The Raconteurs 6:15 - 7:45 Bloc Party (Playing the same time as Raconteurs so I won't get a chance to se them) and Radiohead 8:00 All together that's just about two bands I really do want to see. The other three well, I like there music, just not that much and the thing is, those two band star around 7. So I would be there all day listening to bands I don't know, which is okay to see if I like their but at the same time not really. It seems like a waste of 80 $. (Undecided)

Saturday. The Ting Tings 12:45 - 1:30 Dr. Dog 1:30 - 2:30 MGMT 3:30 - 4:30 Brand New - 4:30 - 5:30 Explosions in the Sky (Same time) Lupe Fiasco 6:30 - 7:30 Broken Social Scene (Same time but I'm Lupe Fiasco instead) Wilco 8:30 Rage Against the Machines (Same time, which stands as a problem for me) Now Saturday has more bands offer, so I'm thinking just buy one ticket for saturday. Plus I can spend the whole their aside from Friday.

it's a conflict I have to resolve and I think I need help,

I can afford both days it's just that Friday seems more of a waste because theirs only two bands I want to see. Sunday looked okay but just like Friday, there were only two bands schduled that I'd like to see. Kanye West 8:30 & Nine Inch Nails 8:15 I think sunday doesn't match up to the friday schedule.

Strays, Strains, Stowaways.2

2008-06-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

Theirs a stray cat outside on the street, or at least I think it's a cat.

Hopefully not a baby, It had a very similar sound from the distance.

It doesn't provoke me much, but it sounds like it's suffering.

Possibly from hunger because they just repaved our streets and

it's pretty clean for the moment.

I can't tell through the dark where was it or what color it was, but

It makes feel guilty, not just for me but for many stray cats. How can

there be so many stray cats in the world and no one to want one or better

bring it to a animal center. Is it like when an owner get sick of having it

does he/she just take the collar off and set him free, does the cat have babies

and instead of selling them or giving it to an animal center they just let them go.

I wonder if it is a cat, I wonder would it like that dead bird I found in my backyard today'?

It had a broken wing and was just walking around for an hour until it just died. I wonder how

that happened, I mean people get broken bones, do they die if they don't heal?

I hope it will be alright, and hope it isn't actually baby.

I hope this won't ruin my night.

Not a real Man, dead inside.

2008-06-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck in the dark singing happy songs

and reading to myself.

I'm an alien

and I feel afraid.

I feel cold.

Out of reach from life and love.

The vision is too clear

seeking a prayer to blur.

The Confused soul scared of others.

2008-06-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

The walls close in as deep pool of images

cloud through the mind.

Racing to keep your heart pounding nervously

and frantic.

Shaking nervously into the night,

your stuck in a cold situation here.

What are thinking about my dear boy?

What makes that body go weak

and leaves you heaving to death?

Are you scared?

The darkness fades

and waits strike again.

You become less sure of your innocence

and gullibility and start to panic.

Raise the stakes to make sure everything alright.

You are walking corpse among them all but

soon you'll be a god.

you will find peace while you float over their heads

look down on them as they start to kiss your feet.

You are there future king in god's eyes.

Aged 17 to 18 (Time goes pass)

2008-06-10T02:02:00.000-07:00

It seems like ages since I was a senior.

I couldn't sleep and the main thing stuck in my mind was the time I won a doughnut eating contest

my last few weeks of school. hearing everyone cheer in shock and disgust on my accomplishment.

God. How happy I felt that day. I kept thinking what would have happened if after, there was huge doughnut

contest that consisted of the whole school. How the crowd would scream for me and how'd they boo as I go over

to the other opponent and extend my hand in gratitude. Watching him walk away in anger makes me laugh.

but crowd cheers us both on.

Oh....

What a day that would be. I haven't seen many of my classmates for sometime now. Jesus, i sound like an old man.

Heh, when I say "Old Man" I think of that Neil Young song. life is wasted on us, it's wasted on the young.

We don't appreciate much as other would. I believe I appreciate much in my life, I try.

Old Man Look at my life, I'm a lot like you were.

I can't wait to cherish my future, because when I'm old I want to look at old videos of me and show them

to younger kids, children of my, well heh, I don't know about having kids, thats decision shouldn't come up

for at least 20 more years. I say this because I watch a video of Neil Young playing old man in the 70's

and found a picture of him now and well, I just want to say one day " that was me! or God, look how skinny I was.

That one was a joke.

My story isn't complete, I just felt I had something to share. I just keep looking at how much College is

and much High School was, one time or another, I had said I hated that place, but now I've come cherish it.

Cherish the memories, I didn't say miss it, because that sounds like I'm pathetic and slowly going nowhere with my life.

I have a lot of knowledge.

The Faces of Comics.

2008-06-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

I feel bad for DC Comics. Because of their loss of fans

But what I really feel bad for Superman. Not many people believe in him anymore.

People want Superheroes with drama in their lives, someone they could relate to.

The Comic book universe we knew today has become a sellout to Hollywood and nothing more.

It's sickening to see these actors mimic these true protagonists and end up with poor reviews or Box Office

flops or wonders. Many of the movie are well and with an exact replica of the origins but due to recent times, some have been

change to match with modern society. People have criticized the actors portrayal of recent older actors such as Brandon Routh

and Christopher Reeves, Many of the Batman series.

I believe the influence taken place has left most of the older and modern generation to think that

this character cannot be portrayed by someone else is not true character, but it isn't up to us to think that way.

These newer movies are given to the younger generation to look upon and show imagination towards their futures.

Last night I watch webisode on YouTube about Marvel and DC.

The characters were toys acted by anonymous voicesprobably made by one person, but the story were well put together. The latest story is when Lex Luthor goes back in time to stop Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko so that People would still love Superman. The stories have a good key element of using the box office hit or flop into subject, mostly using hearing the characters say how their movie did and how much it got. The real story talks

more about Superman and the change of his fans. Lex Luthor tell Superman of his lack of Popularity towards many people because of his

traits and actions in the DC Universe as a Well Moral strong leader who can't be stopped by any foe and will not down to his knees to evil.

once the story goes on you see Superman pondering these thoughts saying how people used to be, even saying how much Batman was different

decades ago.

Obliviously thinking that Lex Luthor has won, Superman is taken to some sort of Purgatory where he meets Captain America. The Caps humble

words to Superman gives him the hope he needs to push on and rise above his fate. He also tells the common truth that Comic Books were not meant

for Hollywood and that the concern for it's climatic return to the big screen was nothing to worry about. Superman is then filled with emotion towards

his kind words towards him and left with a few last words that were said by Captain America. "This is a job for Superman".

Thus easy to predict what happens next, Superman stops Lex and restores the past to it's rightful place.

leaving with one last piece of monologue saying "We're all on the same side."

The life of Superman has been around for more then seventy years and is still around today. The Popularity of the comics may have

not been so successful for the past few years but legend will live on forever.

Life.

2008-06-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Life is unexpected.

Your prepared to be surprised

it's one reason we're meant on this planet.

Let yourself go.

and prepare to be surprised.

2008-06-02T21:39:00.001-07:00

So yesterday, I started freaking out about my future.

Like am I healthy or what my opinion was on

what was happening across the country or just how I felt

about being single and suddenly today I started thinking about

Who will become in 10 years, will I have the job I want and would I

be good at it. It constantly goes through my mind and I believe I know

this paranoia surfaced.

Most of my cousins have been striving to succeed, and oh how they did.

I mean they have good jobs and some don't have to really work at all, one of my

cousins has his own business. Even my mom has a good job, Okay I'm getting off subject.

What I'm trying to say is that I've looked to them and I want to reach that reach for success.

I mean I know I'm still sorta young (sorta) but Hey!, why start when have the chance, I want to write.

Journalist, Poet, Writer, does it really matter.

Do what you love and fuck the rest.

Darker Days show when the cloud look down on me.

2008-06-01T23:22:00.000-07:00

This is about me.

What is happened.

What am I becoming?

I'm becoming a man still fighting to be a boy.

Life's heroes have true villains

It' s becoming the true person grow to be.

Growing up is really amazing once you look at it. the things you go through

and time that is set in stone.

I think I'm lonely. Listening to Regina Spektor and Sondre Lerche doesn't help at all.

I say this because thoughts rush pass my head sometimes.

It goes with many things, like I've noticed how our generation is stuck between the past

and it's used-to-be fame. Like let's take movies for example, their have been remakes and

sequels to many movies now, Indiana Jones, Star War, Die Hard, Those are the only that came to mind right now,

but where so stuck in the past that we forget that this isn't just about our generation but the new generation.

We can't leave them stuck with anything to grab on to when the train come along, we talk about change

even though change happens everyday in life, you can't stop it and have to accept the new generation for they are.

I look at my unknown future and my past without taking care of my present. I guess I want to end up something grand.

The Devil's Coin in the Hangman's Pocket.

2008-05-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that true art comes in the ugliest form.

A well known prize given to the heartless renegades that crawl

through the city windows and church alleys.

Piercing their veins and hearing the still music warp as the tape begins to melt.

Praying Mantis haunting little children with stories ending in unstressed syllables.

The colors

Spinning, spinning

Making it hard to breathe

hard to think.

A sinking sea of color rippled against the cold dead rocks upon the shore.

Oh how I want her

and her taste of weakness melting my body.

Giving birth to the lifeless and giving air to the breathless.

Her shot of love between the skin and muscles

Spreading wings and soaring across the skies.

Fortune Faded (Walking Dead)

2008-05-20T01:30:00.000-07:00

The winds always pushing me back.

and death smiles at me while smile back

strange silent sounds rings soft and slowly.

posing melody through chords.

Is this how we die?

Does fate learn to act.

Will we all live?

We fail.

My world's at end.

Alien without a cause.

Legends die for reason.

And all before age 4o.

Swine.

2008-05-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

Has anyone truly noticed the theme of america. Most people probably won't noticed but it's simple, The United States has become Neo Rome, an advanced civilization but with a perception of ancient Greece set on absolute power over less fortunate countries. We're turning Iraq into a Tourist site, most of the middle east has become this big tourist site for the wealthy. It's become real that most of the middle-class has disappeared during 2000 and more and more of Upper-class has stayed the same, It isn't unknown that this is true to the media and to the public I mean more and more people have taken democracy more seriously but it hasn't been to an extent to actually make a move.

People now of this country have become prejudice against class structure, Our President has made the them "Only the strong will survive"

actually true. The wealthy have stayed the same for many years and now all their doing is getting rid of the lower-class, segregating us and ridiculing our false intelligence so more and more people will die. Why is it that most the soldiers born into the middle or lower class.

Well

I had more to say but this draft has been two weeks old.

I am a writer.

2008-05-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

What makes a really good writer. is it his personal experience he embeds into the story, his trait, his desires. I'm a failed writer, wait I'm not a failed writer, I haven't even finished my first story.

I have a dream, a dream to be good writer, to be just like all of my influences, Nick Hornby, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Stephen Chbosky. I read all of their books, well not all of them but enough to know how to express true feelings over something you wished to do, and when you have that feeling, embrace it, don't let it fade away or burn out, let it shine.

My life hasn't been that complicated like many writers I've mentioned, but I have felt what some of them have portrayed through their heart-shook stories and breathtaking-novels.

I am a writer.

Sani, Una.

2008-04-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

As I site here today, A young man
I look upon the elders
and see how they are reborn
rather to whither away.

I take a look through my people and it's past
and come to terms to what happens after a certain age.

Death is the key to the next journey.
The door is locked until our time has come
and is written in the earth and seeded the core.

As I look upon my younger day.
I turn towards myself and see an old man.
Unafraid and strong.

for what is hold the key to the next door
unlocked and waiting to be opened.

I grow tired
and must rest for my new journey closer to home.

Sani
Una.

The Butterfly.

2008-04-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am a perception of life

cycling to obtain it's final stage.

Breathing in energy from the sun

and attracting gravity from the moon

Embodying my soul,

caught between life and death.

Fading by each year.

flying gracefully towards home

to look beyond my unfolding

and create life.

Dry Ice.

2008-04-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

I am silent

with fragile thoughts crossing my mind.

Still with the discontent

of knowing the truth of my abandonment.

Fused together with signs of apathy

and regret.

I am alone with the dishonest taste of failure

breathing through my skin.

Post dramatic stress

piercing through my mind.

Burning straight through my skull,

buried deep within the cisterns of my equilibrium.

Passed on by the sight of other

smiling through there teeth.

Later to only find out

they'll begin to crack.

The Letdown. (Revised)

2008-04-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

"Don't let things bring you down"

Said suddenly before falling face first to the floor,

throwing cheap tantrums to hide my guilt.

or was it shame?

Roll over,

play dead

ya listened to word I've said.

beg like the dog we are.

Lack of sophistication
begging in sentimental communication

Embracing admiration
from people bigger then you.
Look what you've become.

Raising a glass and
lowering their head

Well known price for giving up
what was rightfully yours.
a price given by an unknown salesman

desperately flying by each cheek.

Life is sold back an forth

It's our promise to keep up with it.

So what does Tolerance and Love have in Common.

2008-04-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

People today have this great expression towards love or romance when they're confronted with it, or watching it. Say you watch a movie, for some people when it comes to dramatized movies, music, or books, they put themselves in those objects. Depicting their life or fantasy in these fictionize writing brought by someone elses idealistic life or imagination.

Portraying these effects into the media gives mass quantity of popularity to the lower-class, fighting for more, taking things for granted.

Copying every detail of someone else's life in order make themselves better.

I guess I'm only saying out of envy for other peoples love life, but I've come to terms with my loneliness.

I will find my own love someday, all it takes is time.

So what does tolerance and love have in common?

That both have a level?

Well.

What is true answer?

Or perhaps maybe it's the wrong question to ask.

Maybe the right question is

Is there such a thing as love?

The Door Part 1.

2008-04-02T02:57:00.000-07:00

Let the world cave in

and destroy everything that is beautiful

drown the life given from god

admire only what the mind sees

and what the eyes cannot understand.

compensate towards reality

and deprive your self being.

Your addiction towards knowing where the door will lead.

The mind can only take so much before burning out

like overloading a system before watching it crash.

Centered all around you

with your silent sub conscience

leaping forward through every secret and memory

you've kept.

All I wanted was to stop and start over.

But theirs no going back

once you've walked through the door

their is no going back but forward.

Run Home.

2008-03-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

One of my Turtles died.It was the small one. I didn't have a name for it because I could never make up

my mind about what to call them both, but I don't think he need a name.

He knew he was, and that was good enough for him.

I do feel bad. It's just I feel even worse because

I'm guessing he's been dead forprobably a week or two. and I never noticed.

But I know he's home now, because he probably dreaded this place.

Probably, I don't know.

Have a fun trip home.

Revolver.

2008-03-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

When I'm around my friends, It feels like my intelligence has been dropped down a level.

Well I should say, most of them are older then. But there

lives seem more interesting then mine.

They read more then I ever will. Their more musically savvy then I am. Well.. depending what genre.

Some people would think I'm older and say It's because you act more mature then other 18 year olds.

I don't believe that. Feels like Master-bastion has melted my brain (American Pie)

and I'm not as hip? as them.

Words like that interest me. Hipsters, Retro and others.

I feel inadequate to them.

I guess since I could remember, I always tried to fit in. But more and more I go on to another group

to another, to another. Not like a leech or a virus, sorta just this little bug who can't figure out who he is.

And I just had problems coming up with a pun like that.

But for more I get older I do lose myself into just whatever I want to become, instead of being someone else.

I do tend to impress but I try being myself more and more.

I guess all it takes is time.

Accomplished.

2008-03-28T00:03:00.000-07:00

Much of this week, went by fast.

Good game guys. (Good thing was I won free food.)
Less sleep but I think I may have a crush which is really neat.

Who's knows.
Well lets see.

I wonder if anyone has wondered, what have I been up to?
The week isn't over yet.

Finished work early tonight.
Great job guys. (but I really never clean.)

(Germaphobia!!!!)

Prayer of the Underdogs.

2008-03-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

We are your secrets
We are your servants

We've built our homes
So that we could never be alone.

We've fought for one another
We've fought against each other
What more can we take from each other.

Here we are.
Brother and Sister
Together as one
Known to be there for each other.

Welcome.

2008-03-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

Ok.

Well this is my first blog on blogger. I have to say I've been an Xanga fan for most of my teenage years but I thought this would be a little more interesting.

Ok so today wasn't bad. I have goals Now!!!

Good because I have something to work on.

Can't really say much today.

Seemed more normal I guess.

Missed class today. very tired from work last night.

9 - 3.

phew.

But I turned in my paper after class.

Went to creative writing.

Good poems guys.

"Getting scared to show mine.

Maybe I should put mine on here.

I will in my next blog.

Later.